Thursday

With a title like THURSDAY I imagine I'll probably be the cause of an internet meltdown as hundreds of thousands of devoted followers log on to see what's been going on in Mothers Ruin life today, this most stupendous of Thursday's.

And at that rate, by default, probably the satellite dishes in the sky will melt a bit from being over-fired-at and there'll be official communications chaos as NASA and MI6 and the FBI and even some slightly mad modern day Nazi group try to work out (independently of each other and therefore waste Billions of $'s over nothing) what is going on in the sky above North London and why have all the internet connections jammed?

And then their little electronic sniffy noses will start wagging towards the beige-carpeted 2nd floor study on the side of a hill in Haringey where the houses look like they may well roll down the hill and gather in a jagged heap on Green Lanes. Hm. We're smellin' something unauthorised in here...

And the helicopters will hover and their search lights will point in through the ready-made John Lewis curtains and catch the back of a mid-30's amateur blogger who doesn't understand the power of the internet, in fact doesn't understand a lot of things, like how come big ships don't sink and how do airplanes get in the air, and why are there no naturally blue foods? And as the Nazi's knock on the front door with their squeaky black leather jackets all rubbing up fetishly against each other in the narrow porch, Mothers Ruin will be sipping her still awfully horrible Green Tea trying to detox and not realising that her house, two children and husband, snails slugs and tiny green beans are in fact surrounded by 100's of lethal killing machines ready to pull the trigger on this offensive Destroyer of Free Communication. What do you plead Mothers Ruin? Um, well, I guess I didn't realise the impact that using the word THURSDAY would have on the entire worlds internet systems. Send her down, Ignorance is INEXCUSABLE. And get her children into Geek School as soon as possible.