autumn

You know its autumn when all around you people are sneezing, coughing, looking a bit pale suddenly, looking a bit over or under dressed, snot rags dangling about with careless abandon and all the children get flu.
Oh, and also the leaves turn brown and fall off the trees hiding all the dog shit.
"Look mummy, can I go play in the leaves?" shrieks of delight followed by groans of repulsion from mummy who then has to pick out the horrendous turds from the ridges in Start Right shoes. Have you done that?
I got home once from a very splendid walk in the park and un-beknownst to me I had dog(I hope)faeces all over my trainer. I joyously walked through the house. Up and down stair carpets. Across floor boards. Onto white laminate bathroom tiles. And it was just before having to go and collect Mol from school. I had about 5minutes to get a drink and leave the house. And then I got whiff of something that didn't belong in the house. Yet here it was. In the house. Stomach does small lurch of of-for-fucking-shit's-sake. Check the shoe. Offending brown turd smeared all over sole. Kick off shoe. Then look at clock. Then realise I have less than 3 minutes to clean crap off 3/4's of my floors before Mol is left standing at the school gates forlornly assuming she's been abandoned forever and ever.
I was like a cartoon character with those go-faster-wind-whoosh-movements spurting out from the feet: I raced around the house swearing very loudly a lot (fucking dogs fucking disgusting smell fucking irresponsible selfish dog owners should be shot etc.) with a marigold on one hand, a large wiry sponge and a bucket of not nearly hot enough water and an evil "lemon fresh" cleaning agent in the gloveless hand.
The house smelt of lemon for weeks. The poo I think was obliterated. My obsession with dogs in London (or not being in London, at all) increased 10-fold.
Which reminds me of another more recent poor story. My neice (who is nearly same age as Liz) was romping through Finsbury Park. And for some reason the family was in a bit of a hurry, so my brother kindly picked up his sweet rosy cheeked daughter and gave her a lift (laughing all the way) to the car. When he got to the car he had that 'something smells dodgy here' moment. Sniffing deeply he realised the smell was very close to home. Worryingly close to home. It turned out that Nieces shoe was covered in the shit. Her shoe was no longer pink leather. It was brown sludge. And my brother was now smeared from head to foot (literally, it was on his shoulder, it was on his stomach, it was on his arms, thighs and ankles) in shit too. It was a classic moment as my brother who is usually a pool of calm started on a voyage of simultaneous cussing and stripping down to his birthday suit (kept pants on) whilst applying copious amounts of baby-wipes to his daughter himself his clothing her shoes... They had an hour to drive down to Putney. I know they made it down but - gawd - an hour in a car with a load of stuff stinking of dog-shit?
Beware the autumn leaves...