It's unconditional powerlessness

Mol and Liz are now technically very much adults - in the eyes of The Gov or The Law they can do things like vote for the next leaders of our country, change their name by depol, get married, pay for their own dental treatments (first find a dentist), they can shake cocktails for a job, rent a car, go abroad without a parent, they can now basically do anything they want without the assistance of us, the parent.

This is a massive headfuck. How did this happen? I lie in the bath trying not to drop my book in the bubbles and wonder where my power has gone. HR just wrote to me to let me know that my job doesn't exist any more (I had this happen to me 3 times... it might explain why I'm now self-employed), I regret to inform you that your Important Parent Role is no longer valid.

What do you mean you're popping to the supermarket? You can't possibly drive a car and have a bank account and independent financial standing and look unwaveringly at the shop assistant as the bottle of £6-prossecco which is for some party of people who's names I don't recognise gets beeped into your bag. 

Parental Supremacy got cancelled.

But actually, I realise -now that the children are these funky autonomous individuals- that this supremacy in fact never really existed. It was a myth! Us parents needed to think that we had all the power... Because goodness knows life was spiralling in many ways in those mad days of early parenting. Thinking we had control was entirely necessary.

And the clever kids, well, it was all reverse psychology my friend, reverse psychology. They nailed it. Make those old people think they're in charge. Hear that wicked toddler chuckle as they prepare their next line of attack (maybe I'll take a shit in my clean pants 15 minutes after we get on the motorway, actually on second thought I'll throw my entire china plate of food on the floor of this restaurant) to bring their unwitting exhausted parent back in line. All eyes on me please.

I may have been the one who cooked the fishfingers (badly) and I may have been the one who transported Kid-A to place-B and Kid-B to place-C, and it's possible that I might have influenced their wardrobes for a few years and between me and the Husband we decided where to go on holiday for at least a decade... 

But all along those crafty children were stringing us along. They weilded the power. They knew from the very outset our weak spots, the chinks in our defences... With their huge blue eyes, a fat tear ballooning over the long lashes... "mummy, please can I have the..." (insert chocolate icecream, fairy writing paper, another episode of Pepper Pig to delay bed...). Or, the collapse on the floor flailing in utter fury at being asked to finish the cheese on toast / move the 18 teddies blocking the doorway / it's definitely bed time now / no you can't go and find a butterfly in the garden / yes you do have to go to the loo before we get in the car. Either way we would have to respond, and it turns out we were putty in their sticky little fingers.

Those crafty little buggers - they were conducting the parents for years!

Those moments where you expressed (any) emotion rendered us powerless. Crying? We love you. Furious? We love you. Awake at 3.30am? We absolutely love you. Snot all over your face? We love you. Shat yourself in the car and it's gone up your back? ....... Yup. Still love you.

You made us feel (so kind of you) at times that we really did know everything and that we really were the oracles. And occasionally we may have had practical advantages (like making sure you didn't get hit by a bus crossing the road or giving you antibiotics when you had tonsilitis) that kept you safe. And in those moments we felt important. Possibly a bit self-inflated "Yes I took Mol to A&E today as she had a massive asthma attack, I think I probably saved her life"... 

And now as they have their own bank accounts so it turns out we defer to those once-were-toddlers for help and advice ("I can't download this app? How does Vinted actually work? But what actually IS an influencer? What skills do they have to warrent 8.5m followers? What is sriracha?"). And so it continues. Putty.

In conclusion to todays mental meanderings: the problem with unconditional love is that it renders you utterly powerless.