Am I dreaming...

Do you have recurring dreams? I have regular recurring dreams and for some reason they are generally mainly of the anxiety genre. I know I have the daily challenges like getting out of bed in the morning and the work challenges like I ought to work more and harder and the what's actually in my bank at the moment challenges and the oh crapsticks my hair is definitely greyer this morning challenges. But I lead a relatively peaceful existence, thanks to the calming influence of the half Egyptian Pharoah Hound who lives with us, so when I have these dreams I rub my chin and lean on my elbow and question where it's come from. 

There are two main dreams I have. 

The first is about trying to go up a hill and my legs are so tired and malcoordinated that I can't really move, and the hill (it's always an interpretation of the hill I can see out of my bedroom window) seems to bend up steeper and steeper to the point where there is a risk I might actually fall off it. Meanwhile there is an urgency to go up it despite the danger of the climb. But I can't. So I have this wading and heavy feeling over my whole body. In this moment of dreamworld paralysis I also am trying to use my phone to make an emergency call but for some reason I can't work out how to even switch it on. And then the dream ends. My body tense. Probably a little clammy too. Nice.

The second dream is a tooth dream. I'm chewing gum (which in real life is a hateful thing to do, I strongly disagree with its existence) and it fills my mouth. Fuller and fuller to the point where I need to spit it out else I may gag, but I can't get rid of it and as I am chewing I realise there are actual teeth in the hateful gum, my teeth, which are merging into the gum and now such a big ball of crunching chokingness that I can't talk. And I know there are gaping holes in my gums because I am chewing my own teeth. The frustration at not being able to get the gum and teeth out of my mouth is visceral. 

I used to have a whole heap of orthodontic work as a teenager and I think some of the visuals for this particular dream emanate from that period. Rubber bands. Head gear. Double layers of train tracks. Visits to the orthodontist to get them tightened. Headaches. Humiliation. My boyfriend naming me Metal Micky. Bits of food hanging off the tracks. It was a fun time. It's a relief to wake from this dream. No missing teeth. No bits stuck in my mouth.

But now I have a new recurring dream. It's an extremely happy dream that then becomes an extremely sad wake up moment. I dream in a variety of scenarios that Dad is hanging out with me. In a recent dream which is particularly memorable we are walking through some meadows in the village and we are both laughing like drains. We are bent double laughing (so much so that in my sleep I think I can feel myself actually laughing) because we are trying to make a plan to work out how to tell people that he's not dead any more and it's utterly hilarious. We are talking about going on social media to let people know and then cracking up. At one point in the dream I think he's holding my hand and I can feel his slightly rough and dry outdoor-work-man-skin. It's so damned real. It's actually insane what the brain tells you is real in a moment. Waking up from that is a toughy. 

So I looked up 'dreams' on the internet and there was a strange page about 'vivid dreams' which went into the causes of 'vivid dreams' - one being early stages of pregnancy (oh no! what? how did that happen!) or possibly being schizophrenic... Neither of which seem that feasible for me right now. 

I guess Freud may have a point - that dreams might reflect unresolved emotions, hidden desires and fears generally, but I also liked a bit I saw, in a probably unsubstantiated article, around how back in the day the Egyptians saw dreams as divine messages. Without sounding like a total wanker I'd prefer to think I'm receiving Divine Messages. And in that vein my half Egyptian Pharoah Hound is sending me a divine message right now, the message is this: get off that bloody computer and take me for a walk.