I'm a survivor!

I got through Day 1 at new job yesterday. The "office" - well, its more like an extended broom cupboard with computers & a microwave in it - was just sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot when I arrived at 9.50am, having made sandwiches for me & Mol, and then dropped Mol off at school and then Liz off at nursery and then catch myself a bus (by which time I felt like I'd done enough for the day without having to learn the ropes in a new and slightly scary position). I kidded myself that the glorified cupboard could not get any more baking. I wondered whether humans cook - I had visions of us workers going brown like the hog roast in a giant oven.

The bus was like a nightmare of heat and armpits and openly sweating calf-muscles, dripping, in the baking morning sunlight.
As the bus bumped down Green Lanes I thought to myself, and it was a bit of a Eureka moment - convertable buses! Yes. The council should buy all the tourist buses from Piccadilly and use them as normal buses and then we, the Londoners, who pay £2 a ride UBSURD, wouldn't arrive at our destination looking and smelling like we've just come out of someone elses dirty laundry basket. And then the tourists could use our normal buses, and get a REAL London experience and could take photos of themselves sniffing peoples soggy pit-hair in a mock-commute-set-up. I think it could be the making of a great tourist attraction.
So, bus dream over I got to the office and had the vision of us cooking like the hog roast in our broom cupboard office, and then to my complete horror my feet started to swell it was so hot and I had to take my offending flip-flops off and let the sponge-like toes hang out 100% al-fresco and hope that Mrs B wouldn't notice the offending specimens at the bottom of my own, now dripping calf muscles. Luckily Mrs B was busy dealing with a swollen ankle which reacts to heat/cold - she even showed me her offending limb; I felt like we were sharing quite a personal moment, maybe one that would push our relationship to the next level of mutual respect between boss & PA. We can, in the future, laugh tenderly at our hot-first day when we wiggled our rounded-body-parts at each other nervously, wondering whether we should actually be sitting in casualty rather than the 94-degree airless office.
The coolest part of the office was in fact the out door loo which made the word Dunny come to mind, as it is quite Australian this particular out door loo. I opened the door and then managed to put my head straight into a sticky spiders nest and then once I'd (without screaming at all) got the revolting web out of my damp hair I sat on the loo and found myself staring straight at Mother Spider who'd happily be the size of the palm of my hand. Without screaming I did my pee very quietly and then washed my hands - Mother Spider was actually IN the sink so I had to manouvre the soap water fingers around this Mother - still no screaming - and walked back into the huh-I-can't-breath-heat, via the remainder of the bloody web. Returned back to office with swollen feet and spiders web stuck all over my forehead.
Another pleasant shared moment between myself and new boss was shortly after she'd eaten her lunch she was chatting to me and a bit of her lunch dislodged itself from her teeth and sort of messily fell half way out of her mouth but instinct launched her tongue into action and she caught whatever food-item it was and down into her throat it went - and then she made a little joke about having spinach all over her teeth and I laughed and said, don't worry your new PA wouldn't let you have green bits all over your teeth, ha ha ha.
(ha ha ha...)
So 5-o-clock came and I tidied away my little pile of rubble which had built up over the day and said, farewell! Off I skipped into the real world which felt a little cooler and a little louder and I felt quite sort of light hearted and then I realised that I had under 2 hours to get home, get the kids from their various hiding places, do supper, have baths, stories, teeth, cuddles, I love you moments, before having to get back out there dressed up and ready for the next and final stage of the day, supper for my Mother In Laws birthday... And suddenly the spring in my step got lost and I just thought, oh, for shittings sake does it ever stop?
And on that happy declaration I shall go and sprinkle some glitter on (edible, I'm not trying to kill her) to Mother In Law's birthday cake.