Is it that time again, already?

Jingle Bells Batman Smells Robin Flew Away!
Oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open slay...
Jesus Mary Holy Lord how did it get round to being Christmas all over again? I'm sure it was not all that long ago that I was making a list of people I had to buy presents for and cursing my bank account for not being fatter and cursing my arse for being too lardy and here we are all over again. But we've had spring and summer and autumn and now its winter and cold and wet and miserable and dark and the shops have their dreadful Christmas Window Displays (I want that one Mum) and through the fog and drizzle a street light has the haze of cheery Christmas lights planted up its trunk... And the post office sends out reminders "You only have 20 days left of Royal Mail deliveries! Panic! Come and join the queues! Share some germs with the other 50 queue-ers, get swine flu while you're here and we'll offer you some health insurance to go with your over priced stamps!" And get on the phone to your friends and ask them if they're sending Christmas cards because if they are then we are and if we are then they are and we'll all hopefully receive the same amount of cards without feeling like we have no friends. And if someone doesn't send a card this year REMEMBER it for next year - cross 'em off the list! In these times of bad finances every card counts.

Cliff Richards Shaken-Stevens Pogues Mariah Carey hangovers mince pies too many parties sore livers exhaustion colds illness no money lists satsuma's and gold coins where's the sun actually gone too many people on the bus no money house smells of Christmas tree's and laundry.

And so Mol and Liz drag themselves out of bed each morning in the darkness and we send them downstairs for their breakfast, their eyelids drooping, their hair stuck to their cheeks where snot may have run in the night, their dressing gown cords trailing on the (occasionally a bit dirty) floor, and then when they reach the kitchen its HEY! WOO HOO! Advent calendars! And they suddenly wake up full of joy and happiness at the endless possibilities of what sweet Granny will have hidden in their (home made, per-lease, as if we'd have shop bought...) calendars. This morning Liz disappointed by her green Opal Fruit (sorry not called that any more, its a STAR BURST!!! BURSTING WITH SYNTHETIC FLAVOURS! - hey I've just thought of a really cool multi-billion-pound-business: create sweets that mimic vegetables, but make the kids think that veggies are delicious desirable and, um, sweet? Hey, I'll swap your brocolli for my cream of sweet-corn? Well, only if you give me the deviled-beans with it. I'm on to something here, definitely...).
But advent calendars are good for waking kids up on shitty black cold raining school mornings, even if the meaning behind them is lost. What are they for, other than counting down to Christmas - when "I get loads of presents and chocolate money from Father Christmas".

Do you think Madonna's children ever get confused by their mums name?

Anyway. So, I'm thinking about Christmas a little bit more. I've done some Amazon ordering for the god-kiddy-winks. I've only gone made not one but two goddamned Christmas puddings and to celebrate the fact that I've only gone made my own goddamned Christmas pudding I took a photo of the mixture and then drank all the rest of the bottle of beer that didn't make it in it. Yee ha. Drunken domestic goddess.
I need to get Husband a present.
I once got him a weekend in a nice hotel.
And once I got him a Christmas jumper.
And once I got him a book of photos which were verging on erotic (I think there was a picture of a willy that wasn't in its down position) and that kind of freaked him out.
Last year I think I got him 4 Haruki Murakami books which have mostly been read by me.
So this year is going to be a real humdinger. Just not sure yet. And if you're reading this oh Husband you could drop some hints...?
I'd like some time off. Time. It's free and comes in all sizes / colours / fragrances / locations - so its quite a versatile concept. Do you think its on offer this year? Good for the bank and good for the Mothers Ruin.
Tomorrow is Friday. One of my favourite days of the week.
Oh, did you see Spooks tonight? My keyboard is the VERY same as the computer-techy-wizzo's and frankly I think he got the idea from me.
22 days to go...